The Todd's: November 2008

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. One year ago we were in a different place. We were full of worries. This year we have been so blessed and we have so much to be thankful for.

Nathan has grown so much. The doctors are amazed at his progress, as are we. I remember last year I was not looking forward to the Holidays. But this year I cant wait to spend them with my family. Nathan has a Cardiologist appointment on Monday. Please pray that everything goes well. We are still concerned about a blockage in one of his vessels.

Joshua has really taken a great role as big brother. He is talking up a storm!!! He is such a sweet boy and always seems to make everything fun. The only concern is that he doesnt eat vegetables:-) So I guess please pray he eats a pea or carrot:-)

I want to share a poem that a mother wrote in our support group. It is so sweet. I am so happy to find this group and honestly could not have gotten threw this year without them. Anytime I have questions or just want to vent I can always go to them. I have met some amazing parents this year. We all have so much to be thankful for I know. I also want to let all the families that are spending this Holiday in the hospital that I am thinking of you.

After the poem is also a response that a mother gave when asked what it was like to raise a child with CHD. It is a perfect answer. :-) We do plan our lives way in advance. It is hard to accept that the life we "wanted" isnt always the life we are "given". But once you are there you wouldnt change a thing and you wonder why you ever wanted it in the first place. I have never been so happy in my life! Honestly, even with all the stress and worry I wouldnt change anything. I have the perfect partner and the perfect kids. So that is what I am thankful for this year. I hope every one has something they are thankful for too even if it has been a hard year.

My dear child,
When you are older and look down at your chest,
You no doubt will notice you are different from the rest.
Don't be afraid to let people know
For your mommy has a scar,too you see,
that just doesn't show.
From the first time I held you and up until even a few minutes ago,
I had no idea, and still don't, of the road you are meant to go.
The plans I dreamed while I waited for you-
which changed from hour to hour,
Have since been given and entrusted to a much higher power.
But please never fear or be afraid to cry
There may even be a day when you ask me 'why'?
I will do my best to show no fear,
Because every minute is a gift-
just to have you near.
When I look at you,
and see your father's face,
Its a gentle reminder that through persaverance,
we gain Grace.
My son,
my beautiful child,
my true gift of love,
Even though we know not the plan that is to be from Above,
Know this-
With every day that you change a grow,
To become that person we have yet to know,
No matter where life takes you- near or far,
Our hearts and faith are kept safe,
For we share the same scar.

*********************************

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, 'Welcome to Holland.

'Holland?!?' you say. 'What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... .and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned.

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.